FRIENDS – SEVEN TYPES AND WHAT TO LOOK FOR
By Dr. Lawrence Wilson
© November 2019, LD Wilson Consultants, Inc.
All information in this article is for educational purposes only. It is not for the diagnosis, treatment, prescription or cure of any disease or health condition.
Friends are essential for all of us. However, there are different kinds of friends. This article discusses seven types of friends.
I. THE SEVEN TYPES OF FRIENDS
A SPIRITUAL FRIEND
This is the best kind of friend to have. This is a person who always has your highest potential in mind, and lets you know when you are not fulfilling it.
These friends are difficult to find, so count yourself lucky if you have even one of them. They deeply share your basic values and goals. They really care about you and they know who you really are and who you want to be at a deep level.
In addition, and most importantly, they are willing to risk the friendship by letting you know when you are not living up to your highest potential in some way. This is not easy to do for anyone!
For instance, if you are a high-integrity person and you tell a lie, cheat, steal, act lazy, or even just have a bad attitude, this kind of friend will let you know that you can do better. This is a real service because, at times, we all slip or we do or say something without full awareness of what we are doing or saying.
A common example of having such a friend is that if you are dating someone who is not such a wonderful person, this friend does not hesitate to tell you know that this person is not for you, no matter what he or she seems to offer you.
Other situations in which this friend will speak up might be telling you that a job you have accepted is not good for your health or a living situation is not wholesome or proper.
This is the best kind of friend to look for. Too often, people shy away from this kind of friend because they become embarrassed when the friend points our their faults and suggests a better course of action. This is unfortunate.
Please realize that this type of friend – which one might call a “tough love” friend – is the best, without a doubt. He or she will keep you out of trouble and makes a wonderful guide and companion.
The best marriages, for example, are between two who do this for each other. Other marriages are at the lower levels described below. People call the latter “sugar daddy” or “hot to trot” types of marriages. While exciting or perhaps financially comfortable, they don’t work nearly as well in the long run. They end in divorce or can cause depression, disease and early death.
A MENTAL FRIEND
This is a person who is not quite like the type above. However, this friend basically thinks like you, has similar beliefs and goals, and usually shares the same religious, political and other values that you have. These people can make very good friends because you will feel comfortable with them and will usually trust them.
They are also helpful and you enjoy helping the friend in the same way because you both share the same values. These are friendships formed at churches and service organizations, for example, or in other situations in which you are with people who share your goals and values.
They are excellent friends to have, and to be cherished and nurtured. If you have never had a friend like this, as is the case with many people, look for someone in this group and it will bring a lot of happiness. Without these friends, a person feels very lonely. This is unfortunately the case with many people.
One reason people lack this type of friend is that while many could be their friend of this type, the person is too picky or fussy in some way to follow up or extend themselves to the other. Perhaps the other person is much older or younger than you, or of a different race, poorer or wealthier, or different in some way from yourself. Try to get past these superficial differences and focus on the deeper ties you have with people.
One reason that “identity politics” is so damaging is that it classifies and separates people according to purely superficial qualities such as skin color, gender, or some other less important quality. We know that the real goal of this movement is to separate people so they are easier to control – a divide-and-conquer strategy cloaked in intellectual-sounding terminology and nothing more.
All societies needs groups of people who share common goals and who work together to promote them in the society. Another goal of identity politics, and liberal and socialistic ideas is to destroy Western society. The method is to silence and isolate people who hold Western cultural and moral values. This way, they will have less influence and impact on society. It is quite pernicious and needs to be opposed wherever it appears.
So please seek out friends who share your values, and work for these values together with them in every way. This is the only answer for the very deliberate onslaught of progressive and liberal thinking that now permeates our media, and the entertainment industry and education system.
A WORK FRIEND
This is someone you can do things with, work with, associate with or team up with for various projects. However, you probably do not share as many values and goals with this kind of friend as with the first two above. As a result, the friendship is not quite as fulfilling as the ones above.
A CASUAL FRIEND
This friend is a “buddy” or companion. However, it is not a person with whom you can share your deeper feelings and ideas. You may also have different goals and values than this person. As a result, the friendship is superficial.
This could be a neighbor, perhaps, or a work colleague, or perhaps someone with whom grew up with. You may chat online, go to the movies, go out for a meal, or perhaps vacation with this type of friend. But it is not a deep friendship.
If these are the best type of friends you have, try to look a little deeper and join groups where you might meet people who share more of your values, ideas, goals and beliefs.
A CONTROLLER FRIEND
This is a person whom you control or influence a lot, or he or she may control you in some way. This is not a high level of friendship. Occasionally, it can be converted to a higher level, however.
Examples of this type of friend are employees and their bosses or supervisors. One reason these friendships are not the best is because they are usually not between two people that are equal in stature or power.
Parents and children often have this kind of friendship. It can also be the kind of friendship between a professional person such as an attorney or accountant and his or her client.
A FEEL-GOOD FRIEND
This is a person whose main attraction is they make you feel good or happy. Often, one does not share much else with this person.
Purely sexual relationships are of this nature, as are many others such as one’s drinking buddies, bowling team member, golf partner, sports team member, wine-tasting friend, and many others.
This is a common level of friendship. However, one really has little in common with the other person other than sharing or giving each other good or happy feelings. If one marries such a person, which is very common, one ends up frustrated and often divorces because the relationship is limited. This level is actually a trap that many people fall into when looking for a partner.
A SURVIVAL FRIEND
This is a rather level of friendship between two or more whose only shared goal or value is survival.
Some unhappy marriages are of this type. Two people basically help each other to pay the bills and have and roof over their heads. The “friendship” between a worker and the one who hires him is often of this type. The worker fixes the house or the car and the customer or client gives the worker money, in return. This is the entire extent of their friendship or relationship.
This is an important level of friendship in society, however, because everyone has survival needs and so people work hard to find what they often call a “friendly” person to work on the car, the home, the body (such as a doctor or chiropractor) and so on. On occasion, this level of friendship can be converted to a higher level.
II. OTHER TOPICS
THE MORE PREDATORY LEVELS
An important distinction is that the friends at the three lower levels described above (controller, feel-good and survival) are somewhat predatory or vampirish. In other words, they are based on one’s basic needs and if those needs stop being met, then the friendship usually ends quickly.
Explained differently, there is not nearly as much pure love and concern for the other person. It is more about one’s perceived needs, and using another person to fulfill them.
In contrast, the four higher levels of friendship, especially the highest (a spiritual friend) usually include more pure love and concern for the well-being of the other.
This, too, is important when picking a partner. Some call the higher level friendships “just liking” the person.
There is much less of this feeling in the lower level of friendship. For details about energy vampirism, read the important article, Energy Vampirism.
CONVERTING YOUR FRIENDSHIPS
It is very rarely possible to convert a lower level friendship to a higher level. A mistake people make in their friendships and marriages is to think that they can begin with a lower level friendship and convert it to a higher level one.
For example, one may think, “I will marry this person whom I know is selfish or a liar, but my love will change the person for the better.” This rarely occurs.
A MARRIAGE OF FRIENDS
Another article on this site carries this title. It is a different concept, but one also worth considering for some people. For details, read A Marriage Of Friends.