HOW TO GET ALONG WITH OTHERS
by Dr. Lawrence Wilson
© October 2019, LD Wilson Consultants, Inc.
Getting along with people is an important skill. Here are some simple suggestions to help
get along with others.
1.
Learn to be polite and considerate. This may seem
obvious, but some people never learned simple consideration and politeness from
their parents or elsewhere. You
would be surprised how far simple consideration will go, at times. Learn to say Please, Thank you, May I
help?, and so forth.
Always
try to put yourself in the other personŐs shoes. Practice the Golden Rule – do unto others
as you would have others do unto you.
This is a key to consideration and politeness in most cases.
Realize that other people often
have more problems than you do, even if they never mention them. This is often the case, and it explains
why some people are angry a lot, or sad a lot, or just have trouble connecting
with you. A lot of people of all
ages just donŐt feel well, for example.
You will begin to understand this more and more if you follow a complete
development program.
2.
Do not raise your voice when speaking with others. Raising your voice is extremely threatening and
intimidating. Some people do not
realize this. If you believe you
are not being heard, or not listened to, or not appreciated, there are other
ways to make this known to another person. Raising your voice is one of the fastest ways to stop
communication and even to end a relationship.
3. Apologize
quickly if you make a mistake or error. This is
important to prevent others from holding on to anger. Another way to say this is: Do not be defensive if you are
wrong or make a mistake. Admit it
quickly and say youŐre sorry, and mean it when you say it.
4. Be punctual,
meaning arrive when you say you will arrive, and do what you say you will do.
5.
Smile and be cheerful most of the time. People donŐt
like others who are too serious, sad or too intense all the time. You can still be honest, direct and
committed without being overly heavy or serious.
6. Relax around
other people whenever possible. This helps put
others at ease and helps them relax around you, which they will like.
7. Whenever
possible, do not take other peopleŐs stray comments personally. Instead, be patient with everyone and
do your best to overlook the faults of others, without arguing. No one is perfect.
If you wish to get along, learn to overlook other peopleŐs small
imperfections.
This does not mean to allow
others to verbally or otherwise abuse you or trample on you. If someone speaks or acts offensively
repeatedly, this is not a person to spend much time with. However, if you find yourself with a
person who makes an unpleasant comment about you or others, do your best not to
take things personally, realizing it is usually the other personŐs issue, not
yours.
8. As a general
rule, listen carefully and deeply, and do less speaking. Most people want to be listened to, especially
children. However, learning to
listen attentively, also sometimes called active listening, is a wonderful skill.
It simply means to be quiet, yet
you are taking in what another is saying along with his or her body language,
intonation and other information. You
are really paying attention and hearing what the other is saying at a deep
level. Then you can respond in a
very meaningful way.
Learning to listen, in fact, is
a very wise idea in almost all areas of human interaction. It is often the best way to tell if a
person is telling the truth, for example, since most people who lie let slip
some of the truth if you listen carefully. It is also a very good way to tell if a person is really
interested in you, or mainly interested in himself or herself. It is also an excellent way to find out
if a person is leading you on or really genuine in their praise, critiques, and
other things. So learning to
listen is an amazing skill and one well worth cultivating.
The hardest thing about learning
to listen for most people is to avoid the temptation to just blurt out what is
on your mind. This takes some
restraint that often must be learned through experience. However, this is a wonderful exercise.
9. Real humility
is wonderful. Fake humility is not. Real humility is mainly to be authentic
and real with others. Fake
humility is to put yourself down when you donŐt really mean it, and other
affected behaviors.
Real humility is also realizing
that you are a wonderful person, so you donŐt have to advertise it, claim it,
or be defensive about it if someone challenges you in some way. Real humility is realizing that others
need not know who you are because you know who you really are. This is quite an accomplishment for some
people, but one well worth working on.
10. Nonviolent Communication, a term coined by Dr.
Marshall Rosenberg, is an interesting approach that contains a lot of
wisdom. It consists of a process
that can often help with communication difficulties.
The process is follow these
steps:
1. Objectively observe the
situation
2. Identify a feeling in
yourself.
3. Identify what your need or
desire is in the situation.
4. Formulate a request for the
other person.
5. Give the other person lots of
feedback on what you believe they are saying.
This is not always easy to do,
and we are simplifying the process, but this the basic way it is done. Dr. RosenbergŐs book contains many
simple ideas that can facilitate excellent communication. For more on this, read Nonviolent Communication on this
website.
11. Love and
respect are the answer. A very
difficult lesson for some people is to realize that everyone wants to be loved,
respected, admired, appreciated, and recognized. This is what most people crave and desire.
Therefore, if you wish to get along
with people, let them know when you appreciate something they have done, and
admire them and respect them when you genuinely feel this. Do not feign affection, love or
admiration, as most people will eventually see through this. However, it is very helpful for all
relationships to appreciate, admire, recognize and respect others.
GETTING ALONG AND THE FOURTH ENERGY CENTER
Getting along well with other
people has to do with the fourth energy center, also called the heart center. This area of the body has to do with
casual relationships, give and take and communicating with others in business
and more superficial social situations.
At times, a person has
difficulty getting along and being sociable because this energy center is not
working correctly.
This is actually quite common,
especially for women, interestingly.
This is one reason some people quarrel with their friends, for example.
A complete development program
helps to expand and heal this energy center and this part of the body. Sending subtle energy downward from
your head to your feet is also d wonderful to spin this center properly.
Working in a real job of any
kind also helps. Being a friend
also helps. Living in a family
situation instead of living alone helps, although any situation can be used to
open the fourth energy center.
Volunteering might help, too.
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