FATHERS AND THEIR PROBLEMS WITH DAUGHTERS
© January 2017, The Writers Group
All information in this article is for educational purposes only. It is not for the diagnosis, treatment, prescription or cure of any disease or health condition.
Not loving a daughter properly is very common. Both fathers and mothers have problems in this area. This article is specifically about problems of fathers. To read about problems mothers have with their daughters, read Mothers And Daughters.
Some will disagree, but we believe that all women want and require the love of a mature, detached, non-sexually involved man in their life.
It is a fatherly love that they crave. It is basically the love of the Creator or God, but this begins, usually, with someone in human form. Men, of course, need this, too.
Women also want and ideally need an excellent male role model. This helps them to grow up centered and relaxed. Then it is much easier for them to identify the right types of men to become involved with later in life.
When oneÕs father does not provide this role model, young girls become very angry, and it gets worse if they later marry men who are like their somewhat dysfunctional fathers.
Several different scenarios of improper love for a daughter by a father are possible:
1. Spoiling. Some fathers do not know how to be parents, or just donÕt bother playing the role of parent. Instead, they spoil their daughters to win their approval, or because it is easier than disciplining them.
2. Setting a bad example. The father may be alcoholic, or a poor provider, or perhaps he mistreats and/or cheats sexually on his wife. This can cause tremendous anger in a daughter. It can turn to hatred that separates the daughter from her father.
3. Roughness. Some men are rough with their children. Girls, in particular, definitely need some tenderness, especially when they are young, but really at all times.
4. Dislike for all children. Some men (and some women) do not like having children around, and this can easily be felt by many children. If a man does not like children, he should not have them. The same is true of women, of course.
5. Sexual attraction between father and daughter. This is common, especially with teenage daughters. It can cause discomfort, separation, and rarely incest, rape or other serious problems. At times, neither the girl nor her father fully understand the attraction. They may even subtly encourage it, making it worse.
For example, a daughter might parade around scantily clad, for example, not realizing how it affects her father. The man may also walk around with just a towel on, or less, not realizing how it affects his daughter.
6. Abusive. Some fathers abuse children, at times without understanding it well. Physical abuse includes beatings, inappropriate touching or rape. Emotional or mental abuse is more common and includes lying, yelling, ignoring, confusing, berating, denigrating, or making fun of a child.
7. Unavailable. Ways that fathers make themselves unavailable to their daughters are:
A. Physical absence. Fathers may be absent from the home due to work schedules, travel, camping trips with friends, or other reasons or excuses. Daughters need lots of time with their fathers to develop properly.
B. Henpecked or intimidated by his wife. Some men are hounded by their wives to such a degree that they basically give up trying to be an involved parent. Instead, they withdraw into their work, usually, allowing mother to raise the children.
This is common, sadly. The basis for it is usually a very angry mother who secretly hates men and does not want a man around her daughter. It may also be a weak man who refuses to confront his wife and is too lazy to stand up for himself and for his daughterÕs well-being.
C. Personality clashes. A fatherÕs personality or will occasionally clashes with that of his daughter. Instead of trying to resolve the issue, the father may just withdraw.
D. Fear of intimacy. Some fathers fear harming their daughter sexually in some way, so they avoid hugs, handshakes, or other loving contact with them. This is usually a big mistake. Girls need the love of a father, not just that of a mother, as the media teaches. It also helps a young woman get used to the proper attention from men.
E. Emotionally stuck or awkward. Some fathers do not know how to express their feelings or to speak from the heart. They feel awkward and inept around their daughters, and may withdraw emotionally and/or physically as a result.
F. Other reasons for withdrawal. Some fathers just do not relate well to women, often due to their own unresolved and unforgiven traumas. This can affect a young girl who cannot understand why her father is distant, seems mean, or acts strangely in some way.
It is essential that all girls and women forgive both their father and their mother for any and all errors that the parents made in raising them. We cannot emphasize this enough.
No parents are perfect, no matter how they may appear. Also, do not compare your parents to that of your friends because much is hidden from view, and the situation may be very complex.
Forgive your parents for everything, no matter how serious their errors. For details, read Forgiving Parents.