SEXUAL TEMPTATIONS IN RELATIONSHIPS AND HOW TO AVOID THEM
by Lawrence Wilson
© July 2017, L.D. Wilson Consultants, Inc.
All information in this article is for educational purposes only. It is not for the diagnosis, treatment, prescription or cure of any disease or health condition.
This article can assist couples to stay together, and to avoid situations that can lead to sexual and other types of problems for them. The suggestions are quite simple, in general, but they must be followed every day. This is the only way I know of to avoid the main sources of temptations that often ruin excellent relationships.
SOURCES OF SEXUAL TEMPTATIONS IN RELATIONSHIPS
The following are situations we have found to be fraught with at least some danger for couples, in terms of sexual temptations and other types of distractions that can harm and break apart even the best relationship.
1. Events and outings. Most couples are okay when they are by themselves together. When they go out, however, they meet the public and are liable to be confronted with others who may interest them sexually to some degree. The worst is being around the pretty ladies in tank tops and halter tops, and the sexy men in tight jeans, for example.
2. Boredom. This leads to sexual fantasies, going to movies and plays that are often suggestive sexually, and exposes one to many others who may have sexual interests. Boredom also leads to other problems, as well.
3. Group exercises or sports participation. Participating in sports such as running, softball, and particularly dancing and swimming with a group often exposes one to those who may have sexual interests. There is something about sports that does this – perhaps taking showers with others, dressing down, and so on. Even just running in place with others can do this, for some reason.
4. Sharing living quarters with others. This can happen while traveling, or if friends or others come to visit, even for a day or two. It can also happen easily if one is living in an apartment setting, for example.
5. Travel, especially group travel closely together. This is unfortunate, but traveling in close quarters, in particular, with others, tends to expose one to many others who may have loose sexual interests.
6. Work-related temptations. These are many. The most obvious are simply working with a tempting person who may be after you, or may simply be lonely, bored or genuinely interested in you. Even phone or email contact is not ideal. Much more dangerous is lunching, traveling, or sleeping over with a work colleague who is not your partner, especially when your partner is not there, but even if he or she is there.
Work-related temptations can be difficult to overcome completely, as work situations often put you in contact with others in ways that are not in your control.
7. Fantasizing, at all. This is not helpful for most marriages. It easily leads the mind to imagine more than will happen between the couple. One might imagine two sexual partners, or a special event or situation that is simply not practical, but it excites the senses and the mind in ways that cannot easily be satisfied, which leads to upset, envy or just dissatisfaction.
8. Talking too much with others, especially loose banter and too much chatting with others. This is particularly true if the conversation turns to sexually-related subjects, even just learning about them or writing about them, especially sexual surrogates, tantra yoga and so on.
9. Watching movies and plays at a movie theatre, on television, or going to plays in person. This is also unfortunate. However, most of these have romantic themes or sub-themes, and can arouse the passions in ways that are not healthful. Sometimes this is the goal of the movie or play, or it just occurs as a “side effect” of watching trained actors and actresses on the stage.
10. Lack of communication with your partner. This is an essential one. It is critical to discuss sexual temptation daily with your partner. If communication stops, then the temptations become even more attractive, in most cases, and one begins to feel that one’s partner doesn’t care, anyway, so why not indulge a little. Also, you may come to believe you are not loved. This is a surefire way to worsen any relationship.
11. Problems with your partner that can often be avoided or prevented. These are such things as bad body odors, bad skin, poor grooming, sloppy clothing, poor posture, illness of all kinds, weakness of the body, and similar problems.
12. Visiting doctors, dentists and other health professionals, even counselors. I am not sure why this is true, but for some reason this opens one up in certain ways and can make a person more vulnerable. It is probably even more true if one must disrobe for the doctor, for example.
13. Hugging others, except for your partner, even those you know well. This is also unfortunate, but can cause problems and one should be aware of it. Be sure to keep these hugs superficial and quick.
14. Religious pageants and services. Oddly, getting dressed up and going to religious services can lead to sexual experimentation. Perhaps it is because everyone is very dressed up in pretty clothes, showing off, or perhaps it is the setting in some way.
15. Selfish or inappropriate behaviors, such as flirting, showing off, dressing sexy or immodestly, or others. One may do this for fun only, or due to low self-esteem or jealousy. Some people also do this consciously or unconsciously to upset, annoy, compete with or outdo one’s partner, even in a light-hearted way.
16. Being too close with your family of origin or your friends outside the relationship. This is often a way that people “meet” sexually tempting people without being properly prepared. Also, well-meaning or not so well-intentioned family members or friends can get in the way of a marriage very easily. When this happens, it often means there are problems in your relationship that need attention. Your spouse should be your best friend and confidante, and no one else.
WHAT TO DO TO MINIMIZE SEXUAL TEMPTATIONS OUTSIDE ONE’S RELATIONSHIP
There are many things that one can do to preserve one’s relationship, understanding the temptations above. They include:
1. Each day discuss temptations as temptations with your partner. This is a special communication exercise that is very important in some relationships, when sexual temptation is an issue. Be sure to set aside time to do this every morning, for example, or every evening, which is better. It helps clear the air, you will see.
2. Strictly avoid alcohol and drugs, and all intoxicants. This is for good health, but also because when intoxicated, overtired, or otherwise mentally out of sorts, one can say or do things that one is very sorry for the next morning. This can easily ruin a relationship, no matter how good it is.
3. Make an effort to always smell good, dress appropriately and nicely, and keep your health and behavior good at all times. Try to get rid of bad habits and sloppy dress habits. You may not think these are important, but they are important to some people. In other cases, these are not so important, but always helpful to pay attention to.
4. Listen to each other about dress, behavior, odors, diet and eating behaviors. Keep each other satisfied in every way possible, and ask your partner about these if you are not sure.
5. Smile a lot with your partner, and not with others. This is quite important. You should not have to fake this. If you do, there is something wrong in your relationship that needs attention.
6. Do not take chances with others. Always dress conservatively and modestly, and do not show off the body, face or hair. Obscure your beauty, perhaps, so as not to cause temptation in others. Try to be mindful of this, as your partner will often notice if you are flirting or showing off in any way. Often, you are the last one to know about this.
7. Read and study Judeo-Christian concepts, such as the value of marriage and fidelity, the problems with adultery, and so on. These are very helpful for any relationship.
In contrast, New age concepts, wicca, pagan religions, magical religions, druid worship, voodoo and such are always harmful. So are all “liberal” and left-wing concepts that advocate loose sexual behavior, and de-emphasizes marriage, fidelity and other wholesome behavior patterns.
8. Try to pay attention to the first part of this article, regarding where to go and what to do, how to spend your time, and with whom.
9. You and your partner must be the best of friends. This is sometimes a challenge, but extremely important. If a woman’s girlfriend or a man’s bowling buddy is the person one confides in, rather than your sexual partner, you are in trouble. Please remember this at all times. Keep your partner first in everything!!! This is critical, in fact.
10. Couples should spend more time together in bed, undressed, hugging, kissing, touching, and doing whatever else they need to do in order to keep the flame and romance alive in their relationship. This may mean going to bed earlier, staying in bed later, and planning more activities together, rather than working more.
11. When problems arise in your relationship, try to identify the problem and take steps to resolve it. This is not easy, in many cases. One can believe that the relationship is over, or that it may not work out, or that one does not want it to work out, or something else. This stops many couples from handling their differences correctly. It also causes many to give up prematurely.
Often when problems arise, it has to do with projection, healing reactions if one is on a nutritional balancing program, and other “side issues” that have little to do with the relationship itself.
12. Always be very careful to whom you tell your problems. Trust is vital in a relationship, and sharing a problem may violate that trust. Decide together with your partner whom you will consult for help, and tell no one else. Try to work with neutral third parties, not “my friend” and “your friend”.
It is very easy for people such as family and friends to take on the role of amateur counselors who can intentionally or accidentally ruin a relationship with misplaced words or actions.
13. Think of adultery as not just about having sex, but it can also be letting your mind stray from your marriage.
Maintaining fidelity in a sexual relationship may seem easy, and, in some cases, it is not that much of a concern. However, the simple rules and suggestions above can go a long way toward making it easier and more enjoyable. It is worthwhile to take the time each day to think about your relationship and how to maintain it intact fully.