THE FACTS OF LIFE FOR UNMARRIED PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY
by Dr. Lawrence Wilson
© August 2011, L.D. Wilson Consultants, Inc.
All information in this article is for educational purposes only. It is not for the diagnosis, treatment, prescription or cure of any disease or health condition.
Many young people are exposed to varying theories and ideas about sexuality and marriage. This article is designed as a basic guide for modern living for anyone who is not married. It is not a theoretical article, so it lacks much explanation. This is provided in other articles on this website such as Sex and Development.
This article presents basic facts of life and how they affect your health and spiritual development. This is a very important article, especially for women today, although men can benefit greatly from the understanding presented as well.
WHAT IS SEX?
Sexual desire has to do with reproduction of the species, first and foremost. It is not “special”, and has little meaning other than the action of hormones on the brain.
Sex at a deeper level has to do with what is called yin and yang, the polar opposites, and their interaction on this plane of existence.
Sex is about genetic mixing to assure a healthy new generation. On this plane, all creativity occurs by the joining of opposite forces. These include heat and cold, expansion and contraction, and male and female in the animal world.
The purpose of sex among the species of animals and humans, however, is to mix genetic material or DNA to assure the quality of the species, and really nothing more.
As many know, some plants reproduce asexually, but all higher animals use sexual reproduction because it is better. If not, the idea would have died out millions of years ago. Thus, sexual desire is built into our genes to build a better race of people.
Thus, sex is a body function, like having a bowel movement. It should not be what life is about, what love is about, and what one’s life is built around. This is the media influence and not much else.
MEN ARE HORMONALLY DRIVEN MORE THAN WOMEN
This is another important fact, although it will be challenged by some “authorities”. It is the design in order to reproduce the species and that is all.
It is not bad or good. It is just the way it is. Women, in particular, need to understand it because men generally do not want to understand this fact. Men tend to think sex is fun and is just their “nature”. Women need to know it is mainly just hormones.
In practice, this means that when a man says he is in love, it is often lust and no more. It is not really about love, which young people have very little understanding about.
LOVE IS NOT SEX, ROMANCE OR ANY FEELING
1. Love is not sex. I know this is a difficult one. Sex, as explained above, is a body function to reproduce the species that is made pleasurable in all animals so that the animal will take the time and energy to reproduce. That is all. It is not love or hate or anything else.
2. Love is not romantic, though sexuality can feel romantic as the hormones do their work on your mind. However, love can be emotional in the sense of caring and compassionate. However, love is not about showering praise, hugs or anything else upon another person, animal or thing.
WHY NOT HORMONAL LOVE?
Why can’t the two be combined, you may ask? The reason is that they are completely different. There is little common ground. Hormones are chemicals that act on our bodies to produce feelings in the sexual organs, the brain and elsewhere. They are mechanical effects, basically. Love, in contrast, is an attitude, something else completely. It is a function of the higher thought processes.
Most people, especially young women, are confused on this point. They believe that if a man is attracted to them, he must love them at some level. This is not true. Read this again if you are not sure about it.
LOVE IS AN ATTITUDE
Real love is a quality of the higher mind. Love is patient and love is kind and respectful. Love is never in a hurry for anything. Love is tolerant, soft, kind and gentle.
Read this description again if it sounds strange or unfamiliar, please. If your man or woman or friend or parent is not acting in this way, it is not love, pure and simple.
Love is a special kind of friendship. It may be described as a desire for the best in another. A friend in this sense is a person whom I love so much that I will always aim for the highest in the other and bring attention to that which is not the highest. Few friends will actually do this for each other.
Tough Love. This gives rise to what is called “tough love”. This means what when one who is “in love” sees that another is not living up to their best, it will be pointed out. This must be done even if it is not always well-received, at times.
Love does not bargain for sex. It also means that love does not cause anyone to take advantage of the weaknesses or personal desires of another for personal gain. I mention this because even the concept of tough love is often easily misunderstood and misused.
For instance, many people say, “I am only hurting you for your own good”. It can even be used as a sexual tool of manipulation, as in, “Let’s have sex because I know you need it and want it”. Yes, she wants it because she wants love and this is as close as she feels she can get to the real thing. But sex is not love, ever.
THE CULTURE WAR
Some say there is a culture war going on in America and around the world. I think this is true. Ignore it at your peril. Here are the two sides and their basic beliefs about sex so you can decide where you stand.
The liberals. On the one hand are the media, in general, and many politicians, school teachers, hippies and college professors today. They say we are just glorified animals who are hormonally driven. Since that is our nature, we may as well enjoy it, including as much sex and other things as we want. The other things might include recreational drugs, eating whatever you want, and other kinds of “pleasures” of many kinds.
The Conservatives. The other side maintains that human beings are basically spiritual beings here to develop their higher capacities and nature. Certain rules, such as those found in the bible and in many cultures, have been found to be helpful to maintain one’s vitality and health, and avoid pitfalls that cause depression, anxiety and other human ills.
In this view, human beings are totally unlike animals, who are mainly instinctual beings. Human beings live in bodies, but that is about the only thing we share deeply. As such, we must deal with our bodily needs, but we should not be emulating animals and their behavior. For example, animals can be kind and gentle, at times, but usually only when they are well fed and relaxed. When they are hungry, most animals become vicious and will easily kill each other and other animals for food.
Young people must know that the liberals are the same people who want a socialist nation. This is one in which the government controls the people, at least in part because the people have been taught not to control themselves. This is often the hidden agenda of the liberals – to take control of the nation. Self control goes with self-governance.
The liberals know that in order to effectively and completely rule, the people must not be thinking clearly. They also know that a person who is drunk on sex, or drugs, or any other stimulant, will not be able to control his or her life very well.
This is the critical idea. Who will control you – you or someone else. This principle is well understood, for example, by those who want to get you in bed, ladies, or those who are “hookers”, gentlemen. If you are “sober” in terms of sex and other stimulants and depressants, then you will tend to be in control.
Therefore, don’t fall for the liberal view if you want to be in control of your life or if you are interested in spiritual development, which requires excellent control.
CASUAL OR RECREATIONAL SEX
This section will not thrill many women. I am sorry about this. I will suggest that if you don’t know the man you are sleeping with extremely well, ladies, you are stupid.
For men this section is important, too, of course. However, it is not as important as it is for women.
This is harsh, but it has to do with realities that are not pleasant to talk about. The three problems with casual sex, as many have found out later, are 1) sexually-transmitted diseases, 2) emotional draining and 3) more subtle energetic damage that shows up as fatigue, depression, low self-esteem, disappointment with oneself and the inability to connect with excellent quality men.
The idea of casual sex. Casual sex is based on the belief that men and women are basically animals, like dogs, pigs and the others. They have sexual “needs” that must be met in some way. If society does not allow them the normal means, they will misbehave anyway, so why not just sanction it. And since we are sanctioning it anyway, why not say it is cool, hip, and really great.
Flaws in the argument in favor of casual sex. The first flaw is that we are not just like dogs and pigs. Interesting that these words are used negatively to describe people who engage in casual sex and similar behaviors.
The second flaw is that our sexual desires are not needs, no matter how you think about them. They are urges of a biological nature. However, unlike the need to use a bathroom on a regular basis, the sexual nature is a small part of human anatomy and an even smaller part of higher human functioning.
Flaw number three is that even if one is having a terrible urge for sex, it does not make casual sex any healthier or more wholesome a behavior.
Now let us move on to more happy subjects.
MARRIAGE AND SEX
The sexual act is so sacred it is forbidden outside of marriage in most cultures. There are good reasons for this. Let us examine a few of them:
1. Sex often transmits disease. This should be an obvious reason for monogamous sex, but we’ll mention it anyway.
2. Jealousy and rage around sexual desire causes murder every day. Marriage is a convenient way to avoid these problems, provided one stays within the boundaries of their marriage oaths.
3. Marriage causes stability in society. Sex by itself without rules tends to create sexual pecking orders, with some on top, no pun intended. This is extremely unstable and changing all the time. This is not healthful for any society.
4. Marriage provides the best way to raise children for financial, social and other reasons. Sex without marriage causes many problems of unwanted and uncared for children.
There are other reasons for marriage, such as economic reasons. Single parent households are often less well off. Other reasons are for the protection of women, both legal and physical. And there are others. However, these are enough for now.
ATTITUDES ABOUT SEX AND CHILD-RAISING
A woman’s attitude will affect her unborn child more than she can imagine. If she is angry with her partner, it shows in the child’s auric or energy field. This affects the child for months or years.
If she is unhappy at the time of her sexual act, even this can affect the child as well. This is why many primitive cultures had marriage rituals to prepare a couple for sex. They may sound silly, but they can make a difference.
Also, after conception was confirmed, many older cultures would take the mother-to-be aside and teach her what to expect and how to behave so as to have a healthy child. This, too, would be wonderful for modern women, who often don’t have a clue as to what she should expect and the important effect her feelings and behavior have on the infant inside.
Here is another area of disgust, in my opinion. Many people assert today that fathers are unnecessary. They just get in the way, basically. The welfare state can support the women and children, they say, while the fathers go drinking or whatever.
This attitude is more prevalent than one may imagine, especially among the socialist groups such as the Democrat party. Fathers are often blamed for all the problems of our society, with its “male dominance”, and so forth. So I will comment on this.
The father’s presence in the child’s life is important, though not as critical biologically. Men don’t breastfeed, in other words. However, they bring balance to life, just as women bring balance to men.
The male influence is most helpful, especially for girls as they grow up, so they will have excellent role models of men to mingle with later. Of course, men are also important as role models for boys of all ages. However, with the girls, a man is important in their life for a certain type of balance, even if the man is not the best. This is a truth that is not nearly well understood enough in modern society.
In other cultures, “elders” functioned in this role, assisting all the women and men to have role models to emulate and respect. This has to do with spiritual development more than anything else.
For this reason, the liberal view that men are largely irrelevant is horrendous. Even if the man in a girl’s life is not the best, he is important.
SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASE
Most young people, and many of all ages, simply do not believe this is possible until it happens. They think they are somehow immune.
The truth is, it happens most of the time. It may not cause a sore, a rash or a pain. But it occurs for a simple reason. The tissues are in contact for a while and germs love this warm, moist area of women’s bodies, in particular.
Men have fewer problems with some sexually transmitted illnesses, because they are not warm and moist in this area. If men bath quickly after sex they can remove a lot of the germs. Women cannot. Women must douche if they want any protection at all.
Douching. Most young women do not understand this vital health procedure. It is simple and quite fast, in fact. It needs to be done within an hour of having sex. Here is the procedure:
Sit on the side of the bathtub, facing into the tub. Fill an enema bag with tepid or warm water, using at least a quart or more. Ideally, use filtered or spring or distilled water, though it is not too critical. Fill the bag entirely if you are not sure how much to use.
Add at least one tablespoon of hydrogen peroxide from the drug store. Colloidal silver is even better – at least two tablespoons if you decide to use it instead. However, I do not recommend store-bought commercial douche formulas, which contain harmful chemicals in some cases.
Let all the water run into you and back out again. Do not stop and hold the water. Just let it run in gently and cleanse the entire vaginal area, inside and outside as well. Then dry the area and get dressed. That is all there is to it.
Do it each time you have sex, even if it is your husband, I would suggest. This is because there are infections in almost everyone and it is just a good idea.
This procedure was taught at one time, even in high school, to all young women, believe it or not. However, we have become a society of pigs, unfortunately, who do not attend to their cleanliness as they could.
If your man thinks it is silly, ugly or gross to behold, then just close the door and do it anyway. Do not be swayed by a man’s protests that he is clean. He doesn’t know in most cases, as the man rarely feels the germs on his skin. However, they are there in most instances.
PLANNED PARENTHOOD AND OTHER BIRTH CONTROL “CLINICS”
I worked at a Planned Parenthood location in Cincinnati as part of a medical residency. I was shocked how little warning was given to young women about the dangers of the pill (and even worse, the birth control patch or the pill IUD combination).
The birth control pill is one of the worst drugs in existence. This is well documented in the medical literature. I do not understand why it is not more widely known. If you care about your health, do not use birth control pills, patches or the pill IUD.
In addition, little was said about sexually transmitted disease. I asked why condoms, which can provide some protection if used correctly, were not the preferred option. I was told it was too much trouble and spoiled the fun.
I came away disillusioned and disgusted with these clinics and their attitudes. Let us review a few facts:
1) Pills, patches, and IUDs are not 100% safe. This means a women can and often does get pregnant while using them. That is the fact.
2) Side effects of pills and patches, in particular, include birth defects, personality changes and a much greater risk of cancer, heart disease and strokes if a woman stays on them any length of time. One study reported that just having taken the pill increases the risk, even if one quit years ago.
3) STDs are real. These methods do nothing to protect against them.
4) Women think they are invulnerable with these devices. This is untrue and gives a false sense of sexual security, if one could call it that.
Condoms are one of the best mechanical birth control methods if used properly. However, they must be used each and every time and one must check to be sure they are in place.
Here are cautions with condoms:
1. They can fall off during sex. They can fall on the floor and not be noticed until hours later. They can break and you would not know it, and just a small tear is all that is needed to negate their effect.
2. They may not be 100% effective because of the preceding problems.
3. They may prevent pregnancy and they reduce sexual diseases, but they do nothing to halt the emotional stress that having sex can cause, especially for sensitive men and women.
4. Most contain latex and lubricants that can cause rashes and even infection in a few women.
5. However, overall they are often the best protection against pregnancy and against sexually transmitted diseases.
Girls need to know that most boys don’t care about children nearly as much as girls do. This is biologically programmed and important to know. Boys are programmed to be more oriented toward business, politics, and other societal events and activities.
Girls take the lead in the home, raising children, education and other activities. This is not simply cultural, although it is certainly influenced by culture. It is also biological, I would submit.
Girls are also more responsible, in general, than boys. This, too, is programmed biologically, I believe. And it is not a bad thing.
Boys are programmed to be the aggressors, keeping the enemies at bay. They are more rough and tough than girls. Any attempt to change this will fail, ultimately, as we are seeing with boys in our schools. The only way to control them is with drugs, and the drugs have serious side effects.
Courtship is important, girls. It is about getting to know a potential partner. The old idea of a lengthy courtship had a few problems, but was a much better system than the casual sex approach seen these days at times.
Courtship provides two people time to get to know each other in different circumstances. If done properly, it allows each to evaluate the other carefully. Please do not ignore the concept of courtship, ladies. A good man will go along. If he does not, you are better off without him. Just make your intentions and your feelings clear so he won’t think you are just “stringing him along”.
Based on the above, here are some suggestions to stay safe, especially for young women.
1. Know that sex and sexual desire are not love. In fact, feelings are never love. Love is an attitude that is uniquely human. Hormones are something entirely different. They are not bad or good, and they are not love.
2. Tell your dates what you want. Hopefully you want love and relationship, not a piggish casual sex. If the date wants something different, so be it. You will be better off without him or her. There are plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. This approach will discourage the hormone-driven types.
3. Leave the hormone-driven types of men and women to their own kind. They carry diseases of which medical science is just learning about, like AIDS. You are far better without their attention, even if it means being home on Saturday night in front of the television or with a book.
4. If you have sex, use a condom or two. Also, men should wash the area thoroughly with soap and water. Women must douche after sex if they are wise, especially if it is casual sex, which I do not recommend. This will stop some disease and some pregnancy. It is not as romantic as holding each other for a while after sex, but you can wash or douche and then hold each other. It may save your life.
5. Intimate relationships are really about energy exchange, not just having a friend to sleep with or have sex with, or to go to events with. Blending of the energies takes place in any intimate contact, even attending a party or any social event with others. It occurs even more strongly with sexual contact of any kind, even a hug or a kiss. It is strongest, however, with sexual intercourse and this is important to know. This can be beneficial, but it is usually not beneficial, especially for young women who are quite sensitive and impressionable.
Sex has long been used on earth as a way to control others, particularly by aggressive men to control women. So in this regard, sex is quite dangerous for young, unmarried women. At least in a marriage situation, there is a committed relationship and the problems that accrue from sex can be worked out or at least discussed in some depth between the partners. However, in an unmarried situation or if the people are just casual partners, this cannot occur and the situation is worse.
The additional problem of STDs is so severe on earth and the ignorance about how to prevent them so widespread that we must caution against any premarital sex at all today, including even kissing, though I know this is very unpopular stance on earth. These infections weaken the bodies, especially of the women who are usually more sensitive, that it is truly a shame. Therefore, the old moral values are of use here, though it is not exactly for the reasons given in the bible and other older books. It is not because sex is dirty or bad at all. It is because it is unsafe for your health.
6. Girls, stay away from aggressive boys and men. Cultivate friendships with boys instead. Please do this. This is the most important single step. This is because these men and boys usually have had many sexual partners. They are usually the ones who come around and pay compliments and ask the girls for dates, so the girls are attracted by all the attention. They are also the ones carrying the diseases.
7. Girls, stay out of bed with boys, always, with no exceptions. This includes just casual lying in bed, for example, and not just getting in bed for sex or kissing or hugging. Boys often say, lie down here and I will show you my pictures or my coin collection or something else. Don’t do this, preferably. You will look stuck up, girls, but it is okay. You want to be with boys that understand these rules and don’t mind. If a boy objects, he is not “your type” and you best leave him alone. This is important.
The reason for this is it is too easy for a wandering hand to go to a stimulating area and then sex happens easily for most girls and they are thrilled and delighted and forget all these rules quickly. Most wake up the next day and can’t remember what happened, exactly. All they know is they feel funny inside and may be pregnant, of course. It does not take getting high or having a glass of wine or anything.
Boy are trained how to do this and never think otherwise. It is part of “boy talk” just like girls have girl-talk. Boy talk, in case you don’t know, is all about how I got her into bed and got her so hot she couldn’t resist me. This is the truth and every honest boy knows this.
8. Do not kiss intimately. This is sad to have to say. However, most of the diseases live in the mouth and are easily transmitted. This is sad to have to say, once again, but true. Hugs are fine, but again, please be careful. Hugs can be warm to affectionate but too many are sexual and not good for girls, especially. I do not mean to imply that boys are bad influences, but they are usually less in control of their hormones and less developed at the early teen and 20s and so they tend to want sex more than the girls, usually much more. The girls are more romantically oriented and this is what usually gets them into trouble. However, today more and more of them are “experimenting”. This would be okay except for the diseases that are definitely not okay.
9. Avoid alcohol and drugs of all kinds. Girls, again, must be more careful than boys here. Women’s bodies are more delicate in almost all cases, so a little alcohol goes a long way. Boys are a little less sensitive in most cases and can “hold their liquor” (and their drugs) better. So, once again, girls, do not be tempted to outdo your boys by saying, “Well, if he can do it, so can I because I’m as good as he is”. That is just foolishness.
The sensitivity of woman is her strength. But if a girl feels she is not loved, she will try to copy the boys. Also, the men love the competition because many know that ultimately they are the physically stronger ones and will win in the end. Winning for boys is usually sex. Winning for girls is usually getting back at the boys and showing them they are as strong as boys, but not in bed or in sex. They get in bed alone and feel victorious, often. They just want the thrill of the whole thing and it is something to do for the evening. This is the difference between most boys and most girls.
10. Sex is about more than fluid exchange and STDs. Sex is also about energy exchange. And here, again, the girls often lose out, though not always. The auras blend and the girl’s aura is influenced by the stronger boy’s aura and it throws the girls off, completely, for up to a few weeks until she can recover her “center” or her bearing or her absolute sense of self. This is another important point that needs to be made. Many will say this is nonsense. It is not. It is an important subject, especially for girls.
11. Keep your sexual fluids, if possible. It is helpful to limit sexual fluid loss in both men and women, as it causes a form of nutritional depletion that is hard to replenish quickly, if ever.
Sex hormones are far out of balance in many people. It is producing mutants, as it were, whose attitudes are not the usual ones. There are many reasons for this.
Pesticides mimic estrogen, creating effeminate men. Nutrition is horrible, leading to nutrient deficiencies, metal toxicity and many more physical imbalances.
Many women are too sick or tired to raise a family and take responsibility for it. As a result, they vote for the state to be the nanny and daycare the answer. I submit this is all sickness.
Please, parents, protect your children from the societal secular attitudes that will destroy them if you allow it. The girls have no protection in the public schools whatsoever. It is here that they learn the false values and often meet the hormone-driven boys who seem so tempting.
The home-schooling movement is growing for many reasons. This is but one of them, and is an important one. It is a way to control what your child hears, sees and is taught. Only this way will girls learn about having children at an early age. Then they can prepare their bodies and minds for the challenges and rewards it entails.