CHILDREN - A FEW SOCIAL ISSUES
by Lawrence Wilson, MD
© June 2011, The Center For Development
This article discusses of a number of important non-medical issues concerning men and women, and having children. Anyyone who is contemplating marriage and raising children may find it useful.
Women need to know that most men are less interested in children than they are. This is not always true, but is something to consider. Some of this appears to be biologically programmed. Men are programmed to be more oriented toward business, politics, and other societal events and activities.
Women must therefore often take the lead when it comes to the home, raising children, education and other activities. This is not simply cultural, although it is certainly influenced by culture. It is also biological, I would submit.
Women are also often somewhat more responsible, in general, than men are. This, too, is programmed biologically, I believe. And it is not a bad thing.
Men are programmed to be the aggressors, keeping the enemies at bay. They are more rough and tough than women. Any attempt to change this will fail, ultimately, as we are seeing with boys in our schools. The only way to control them is with drugs, and the drugs have serious side effects.
A WOMAN’S ATTITUDES AT CONCEPTION AND PREGNANCY
A woman’s attitudes will affect her unborn child more than she can imagine. So-called primitive cultures know this and take precautions to make sure the mother-to-be is properly prepared for marriage and pregnancy so that her negative attitudes or just fear does not affect the newborn child.
Modern societies totally ignore this fact, and most of us suffer as a result. Here are some examples of emotions and attitudes a woman should strive to avoid to have the healthiest children:
1. Anger with her partner at the time of conception.
2. Anger about being a woman and having to bear children.
3. Anger about anything else, though this is usually less important.
4. Fear of sex or men. This can produce fear in the baby.
5. Fear of life, or of anything, for that matter. She should strive to be relaxed, happy and joyous.
6. Negativity of any kind. A woman at the time of conceiving a child should be very happy, excited, upbeat and looking forward to pregnancy. This is ideal, though it is not often the case. A woman’s negativity of any kind at the time of conception can affect the fetus, affect development, and psychologically affect the baby for months or even years.
TRAINING TO BECOME MOTHERS AND FATHERS
In many older cultures, after conception was confirmed, the elders, usually, would take the mother-to-be aside and perhaps the father, and teach them what to expect and how to behave so as to have a healthy child. This would be wonderful for modern women and men, who often don’t have a clue as to what to expect with a new baby in the house.
For example, many women are not prepared to breastfeed a baby every four hours of so throughout the day and night. They think it will be easy, when it is often not. It is particularly hard on women who do not sleep well. One must be able to fall back asleep easily. Another option is to express some breast milk and have the husband get up for the midnight feeding, but this is not quite as good as having the mother do it.
Most parents do not realize how demanding an infant is. This is just how it is with a newborn and is normal. Rejecting your baby’s demands must be done at times, but it is not wise, in general. Babies are very delicate and very attuned to their needs. Some, today, are so unhealthy that they may demand even more attention, but often they need it for some reason.
Pregnancy training for women, especially, should also of course include how to eat, how to rest enough, how to take good care of oneself, avoiding x-rays and all drugs, for example. it should also include warning the mother-to-be of the dangers of vaccines, medical drugs and other hazards of modern life, and what to do as alternatives and if you baby gets sick. Other articles on this website provide some answers to these questions. These include Vaccination, Having Healthy Children, Children’s Nutrition, and others.
Pregnancy training should also include how to handle the demands of one’s partner, since adding a baby to the family often causes strife between man and woman as their time must now be devoted to the baby and there is usually less time for other activities of all kinds.
This training should also discuss the merits of breastfeeding and why all efforts should be made to breastfeed for three years, exclusively, if at all possible. This means the mother must know how to eat correctly and stay healthy, as otherwise the baby will usually reject the milk after a while. For more on this topic, read Breastfeeding on this site.
Many more topics were traditionally taught to mother-to-be in “primitive” cultures. The real primitives in this area are us, who ignore this type of education for mother and fathers-to be.
This is another area in which education is lacking and some liberal attitudes are downright wrong. Some people assert today that fathers are unnecessary. They just get in the way, basically. The welfare state can support the women and children, they say, while the fathers go drinking or do whatever they wish.
This attitude is more prevalent than one may imagine, especially among the socialist groups such as the Democrat party. Fathers are often blamed for all the problems of our society, with its “male dominance”, and so forth. So I will comment on this.
The father’s presence in any child’s life is important, even though not as biologically critical because men don’t breastfeed as do the women. However, they bring balance to life, just as women bring balance to men.
The male influence is most helpful, especially for girls as they grow up, so they will have excellent role models of men to mingle with later. Of course, young boys also need fathers as excellent role models, as well. However, with the girls, a man is important in their life for a certain type of balance, even if the man is not the best. This is a truth that is not nearly well understood enough in modern society.
In other cultures, “elders” functioned in this role, assisting all the women and men to have role models to emulate and respect. This has to do with spiritual development more than anything else.
For this reason, the liberal view that men are largely irrelevant is horrendous. Even if the man in a girl’s life is not the best, he is important and should never be cut out of the child’s life, if at all possible.
A spiritual reason that fathers are important because we naturally associate men with God. This may sound prejudiced and ridiculous, but the idea of ‘God the Father’ is not just a phrase from the bible. It is a yang model of God that is useful, overall. This is not to say that God is a man or is masculine. Not at all. However, the man in the family stands for a yang principle, and it is very important. Plenty of studies show that boys, in particular, who are raised without a good father image (it need not be the biological father) have more difficulty growing up with a clear self identity. That is all that I mean by the importance of men in child-raising.